


What should have been

by PoppyGloriaDeservedBetter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, BAMF Ahsoka Tano, BAMF Padmé Amidala, Fluff and Angst, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Leia Organa, Jedi Luke Skywalker, Manipulative Sheev Palpatine, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Padmé Amidala Lives, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Skywalker Family Drama, Skywalker Family Feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24529753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoppyGloriaDeservedBetter/pseuds/PoppyGloriaDeservedBetter
Summary: Padmé Amidala gives birth to the twins early, and it makes all the difference. Forced to raise Luke and Leia in hiding, it isn’t long until they are pulled into another war, this time in the form of the Rebel Alliance vs the evil Galactic Empire. [multiple POV]Or: my inability to accept that the Skywalkers didn’t get to be a happy family
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker & Luke Skywalker, CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker, Chewbacca & Han Solo, Leia Organa & Anakin Skywalker, Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Leia Organa, Padmé Amidala & Luke Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 16
Kudos: 141





	1. Escape

Darth Vader strode out of the senate building, his eyes bloodshot and brow furrowed. The conflict inside him was no longer, hardened into a steely resolve. For years he had felt a war waged inside him between the ideologies he was raised in and the pull to something greater, something darker, all fought under the shadow of that kriffing prophecy.  _ Was this how it would come to fruition?  _ Anakin Skywalker was weak, but Darth Vader had the strength to do what must be done, to destroy the Jedi and the Sith. Only then will there be peace, order.

He was strengthened by the rigidity of his ambitions, the purpose in his steps. Even though he must do terrible things, Vader felt the weight of internal deliberation lifted off his shoulders, he was no longer tied down by the weight of morals.  _ The war is over. Padmé will be safe.  _

Padmé.

They had never seen eye to eye on policy, she was far too optimistic, put too much faith in a broken system. She was too good, too kind to have to bear the weight of politics on her shoulders. She will understand now, when she sees that they can start anew. She will mold democracy with her own two hands, and he will give her the freedom to build a better world. They will restore peace, justice, and security to their new empire.

Now all he had to do was the Chancellor’s dirty work. He will march side by side with the 501st and rid the galaxy of the traitorous order that had stood as the epitome of hypocrisy. Soldiers for peacekeepers. Traitors for servants. Who can trust someone who doesn't love to have empathy.

Vader took stock of his person, straightening his back, taping his lightsaber once for reassurance, and draping the hood of his cloak overtop his head. It was then he became aware of a faint buzzing, a secret he kept hidden between the folds of his robes. He pulled the comm link out with shaking hands, thrown from his state of surety.

He and Padmé had their ways of keeping in contact when they were half a galaxy away, but the tiny comlink only served as an absolute emergency line. It had scarcely been used, despite them both being caught at the center of a raging war. Vader’s mind hardly had time to spiral before he pressed the receiver and held it up to his mouth. “Padmé! Are you alright?” He tried to keep a low profile but his words came out stifled screams.

“Ani,” her voice was timid, “I’m okay, I promise.”

“And the baby?” Padmé’s silence was deafening.

“...The baby is coming, now. It’s-It’s-Ani I need you to come.”

“Stay where you are. I’m on my way.” Unwilling to waste any more time, he ended the call and mounted his speeder, following the familiar route to Padmé’s 500 Republica apartment. The steely determination returned, but this time, he knew his place was not at the helm of destruction, but beside his wife.

-o0oOo0o-

“Oh, Ani,” Padmé sighed as Anakin pressed her into a tight embrace. He let her go, but still held her hands from a small distance between them. His wife looked like a beautiful tragedy. She was in one of her nightgowns, one that did nothing to hide the baby bump she couldn’t acknowledge outside of their secret life together. Her hair was free, falling down her shoulders in curly tresses, framing her worry-stained face.

“You and the baby are going to be fine” He pulled her close for one more embrace. “How are you feeling?” The truth was Anakin didn’t believe his own words. He wanted to break down, to sob, to apologize for getting so close to saving her and still failing. Just like he had with his mother. But now Padmé needed him to be the rational one, to console her and hush away her fears.

“I’ve been having contractions for most of the day. I-I thought they were just false labor, but they are getting worse by the hour. I know the baby is coming, but it's too...” her voice cracked, “...soon, it’s too early. We were supposed to have another month. What if there’s something wrong? Ani, we don’t have anything ready-where-where am I supposed to give birth?” A large thud sounded off in the distance, where smoke engulfed the sky surrounding the Jedi Temple.

Anakin absentmindedly stepped towards the open balcony. His mouth hung open, just slightly, and his eyes fixed on the haze in the horizon. The orange tinge from the falling dusk mixed with the ashen air to create an eerie luminescence around the structure. The Temple seemed to bleed. Anakin could feel it. The Jedi purge had begun.

“What’s going on?” Padmé’s voice trembled behind him, but Anakin couldn’t tear his mind away from his internal spiraling to register the noises around him. The Jedi will be destroyed, with or without Palpatine’s Lord Vader. It’s not safe for him to be Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, and it’s too late for him to be Darth Vader. Not only had he indirectly disobeyed his new master, but he now had no time to learn to save the one he loved. He had sold himself to the Sith for power, but what use was his apprenticeship if it was truly too late to avoid his prophetic nightmares. Anakin was no longer tethered by allegiance. He had strayed too far to still be a Jedi, and he stopped being a Sith the moment he locked eyes with Padmé. He failed both the Sith and the Jedi, no matter who was on top he would exist with a target on his head, and with the merciless Sith Lord, that extended to Padmé.  _ Kriffing hells, why had he trusted Palpatine. _ They had to go away, far away, to systems untouched by the Republic-the Empire-whatever hellish form the Sith rule decided to take. “Ani? Anakin talk to me,”

He turned around to face his wife, and saddened knowing the hurt today will bring. She looked at him desperate, pleading for some sort of solace. “We have to leave, as soon as possible. There isn’t time to explain, but it’s not safe here anymore.”

“I can’t just abandon the Republic. You-you can’t just  _ leave _ the Jedi. We have duties I’m sure-”

“The Jedi are dead. Or they soon will be.” Anakin sighed, letting the truth sink in for the both of them. “The Chancellor is a Sith Lord and he is about to take absolute control of the galaxy. He will squeeze every last drop of democracy from the Republic and that includes every politician that has dared to oppose him.”

Padmé’s face fell. “I don’t believe it,” she whispered, but the crease of her brow said she knew all too well of the suffering to come. She had been scrutinizing the Republic and the war, watching as the Chancellor, once an ally, held on to his power with white knuckles. “We can’t leave.”

“What do you mean we  _ can’t  _ leave?” Anakin glared at Padmé in shock.

“There are people who depend on us. I represent an entire system!” She threw her hands out in exasperation, “You’ve dedicated your entire life to the Jedi, and now you want to abandon them when they need help most?” Padmé then crossed her arms and stepped away from Anakin, almost retreating into herself. Then, quieter, “The Anakin I know would never run away from a worthy fight. There is still a way to fix things, but if we abandon the Republic now there will be no hope for the galaxy. You said it yourself, leaving the Chancellor in power will doom democracy.”

Anakin was furious,  _ why couldn’t she see reason?  _ They were back to bickering over politics as if they had all the time in the galaxy. “It is already done Padmé, Do you not see the Temple in flames?” The strength of his tone got harsher with every word, “The war is over! And guess what? No one won.”

“Don’t take that tone with me,” Padmé scolded softly. “The Delegation of 2,000 can remove Palpatine diplomatically. You talk as if the entire senate is obsolete.”

“Palpatine is the Senate.” Anakin pressed a fist to his temple, knowing yelling would get them nowhere but wanting to nonetheless. In a quiet, controlled voice, he added, “Thinking a broken system is a match for the blunt force of the Sith is nothing but a suicide mission.”

“Ani, you know that I can’t...” Padmé trailed off, clutching a hand to the bottom of her swollen belly. Her face scrunched in pain, and her breathing came out unevenly. Quickly, Anakin was at her side, holding her bent over form upright. His eyes darted around her, looking for clues as to what was wrong. Admittedly, he knew very little about human birth, it wasn’t as if Jedi received sex education. “Contraction,” Padmé forced out, sensing Anakin’s anxiety. He felt useless, just standing there while she stifled grunts of pain. After what seemed like an eternity Padmé straightened herself and brushed stray curls out of her eyes to face her husband.

“I need you to trust me when I say there is no fight for us today.” He could see her start to soften at his words. There was a silence between them as Anakin contemplated his next words. “Padmé you  _ will _ be killed if you stay. I-I can’t live without you. Think of our child,” and he saw her glance down to where her hands cradled her abdomen. “We will never get to build a better world for them if they never get to be born.”

She nodded, silent and defeated.

“Listen,” Anakin grasped her shoulders and steadied his gaze onto hers. “Take what you can’t live without. You need to transfer all of your credits to a new, secure account, make sure to use a pseudonym and we’ll cash out somewhere remote. I’m gonna buy us a ship, and we’ll be on the other side of the galaxy before the smoke clears.” Padmé nodded, wiping the prickling of tears from the corner of her eyes. “Will you be okay, the baby and all?”

“We’ll be fine.”

Anakin stepped back, not wanting to stop watching Padmé, savoring the feeling of his eyes tracing the curve of her face. “Come back to me.” She said the tired sentiment they shared whenever Anakin was sent off into the unknown reaches of space. They used to be such hopeful words, the promise of a new embrace, but her lips trembled as she spoke, and her eyes glanced over him as if she was trying to hold on to the image of his face as well.

“Always.” And he was off.

-o0oOo0o-

Padmé had always been a quick thinker, good under pressure. It’s why she held it together so well during the invasion of Naboo, despite the fact she was a child. It was an avoidance, of sorts. She knew that sitting idle would only make wounds fester, but if she had a goal, a plan, she could push the hurt away, deep inside her mind. She made a mental note to work on that later.

It wasn’t as if she was entirely unprepared for a quick exit, her security team was well briefed on what to do for every obscure scenario. She almost giggled, in spite of the ruins around her. She had probably been targeted by every bounty hunter in the mid rim at some point or another.

Padmé strode to her bedroom, clenching her fists against the pain of a new contraction. She only compiled a few of her most valued possessions: a silver statue of Shiraya that reminded her of home, the few small trinkets she had intended for her child, some jewelry heirlooms, and a change of clothes for both her and Anakin. Her hands found the secret compartment at the back of her closet, hidden behind heavy ornate gowns. Padmé slid the panel aside, a practiced movement, and felt for Anakin’s few garbs she kept hidden in her apartment. Her fingers brushed past the worn cotton, and felt the intricate patterns of woven beads and lace. Her wedding gown. It was much too beautiful to be seen by only two sets of eyes. Her mind flashed to the soft warmth of Varykino, when their love felt so simple and pure. In a quick decision, she pulled the dress from the compartment and silently apologized for having to stuff the work of art into a travel bag.

Padmé took one last glance at her room, her closet, the touches of Nabuian decor. Was it so selfish to want to weep for her beautiful life? She shook her head, knowing how much she still had left to do, and started towards where she had discarded her datapad earlier in the evening. Within a few taps, Padmé Amidala’s small fortune had been transferred to Tsabin Corden, an unremarkable profile of a Republic citizen. Next, she found her commlink and began the true work.

“Yes, M’lady?” Captain Typho answered without hesitation.

“I can’t elaborate too much, for your safety and mine, but unfortunately I’m left with no other option but to flee Coruscant indefinitely. I think it would be best to execute Plan Backdoor to reduce the chances of being followed.”

“M’lady I must ask-”

“You must not.” Padmé sighed. “If there are any suspicions of where I am, people will come to you for answers. Dangerous people.” She turned her focus out the window, where the Jedi temple was now engulfed in smoke and flames.

“I understand.” Captain Typho was quiet for a moment, as if letting the weight of their final conversation sink in. “I don’t know if you’re aware, your offices just received a summons to an emergency meeting of the Senate, but I doubt you’ll still be here when they convene.”

“Send Sabé in my place, keep interactions limited, but make sure she is seen. Then execute Backdoor before dawn. No one will think an assasination out of place in this political climate.” Her heart hurt thinking of all those who will mourn her. Her poor parents will be crushed. Only Shiraya knows if she’ll see her sweet nieces again, but Padmé’s hands fell to her swollen belly, reminding her of what is at stake. “Please, make sure my family is taken care of. And the girls,” her eyes got wet thinking of her handmaidens, her sisters, who had stood beside her since she was a child. “Make sure they know how much I’ll miss them.” A heavy exhale. “Thank you for all your years of loyalty and service. I owe my life to you a million times over.”

“That you do,” he chuckled. Then, sadly, “Take care of yourself, Senator”

“You as well.” And then the channel went cold.

Padmé allowed herself only a minute to grieve everything she had built on Coruscant. Brushing herself off, Padmé slowly approached the window facing the temple, still in flames. Not too far to the left stood the Senate. The lights near the assembly chamber all flickered on at once, no doubt for the emergency session Sabé would attend soon. Will she ever regain this piece of her life? Despite her compliance, this whole escape stung of bitter defeat.

She sat, minding her contractions and watching the skyline for about an hour, trying to convince herself this was real. Anakin had seemed so stoic. He had changed since he returned from five months of outer-rim sieges. Not only had he been so occupied by his visions of her death, but she had felt him drifting away from her. He always seemed as if he was holding his tongue around her, but for whose sake Padmé didn’t know.

“Everything will be alright,” she spoke to both herself and her unborn child as it stirred within her. “Your father and I won’t let anything happen to you.” As if on cue, She heard a ship touch down on the landing platform. “Threepio,” she called to where the droid had sat powered off for much of the day. “Come with me, and please, no questions right now.” Anakin quickly sprang from the open hatch and jogged over to her.

“Master Ani! How good it is to see you!” Anakin turned to C-3PO and gave him a quick nod and smile.

“Are you and the baby alright?” He seemed out of breath.

“Well he’s kicking a bit much for comfort, but I’d say we’re getting along just fine.” Anakin smiled at their lighthearted exchange and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“I’m sorry I took so long. You know how hard it is for me to find a ship I like. They also let me use their garage so I could make some modifications to ensure we won’t be tracked.” He gave her a crooked smile and Padmé felt maybe things would turn out alright.

Anakin grabbed the travel bag at Padmé’s feet and they both started towards the modest looking ship, Threepio hurrying behind them. Before climbing the metal stairs, she turned to catch one last glance at the apartment. It was the closest thing Padmé and Anakin had to a shared home, but now there were off to travel the stars like nomads. She inhaled the crisp Coruscanti air before moving forward, too focused on not looking back.

-o0oOo0o-

Anakin expertly maneuvered through hidden backchannels and lanes only used when the Jedi did something they didn’t want the government to know about. He had only taken them a handful of times, with Obi-Wan at his side. Anakin flinched at the thought of his old master. Obi-Wan was resourceful, no doubt, but Anakin had his hesitations about his ability to evade an entire battalion-one whose loyalty he didn’t question the slightest. Even if he were to survive, how would he manage to contact him?

“Ani?” Padmé drew him out of deliberation. She sat beside him in the cockpit, clearly tired and shifting her position every moment or so. “Where are we headed?”

Anakin had deliberated where to seek medical care for Padmé. The Outer Rim, no doubt would give them the most protection, but they would preferably want to seek a more developed system. “Bespin, I think,” he said while staring out into the blue waves of hyperspace. “It’s an unaffiliated planet, but well developed. We can get you medical assistance there and hopefully keep a low enough profile to avoid being identified. From there on, I don’t have much of an idea.”

“Are you sure we can avoid any checkpoints or landing identification?” Padmé arched her back, pressing her hands to her sides in an attempt to stretch.

“We don’t have much of a choice, we’re going to have to in order to get you to a good medical center.”

“I’m not going to die, Ani.”

Anakin’s grip on the controls tightened as he pushed away the gnawing guilt at the back of his mind. He can’t learn to save Padmé, not anymore. The most he could do was get her to a proper facility and concentrate on keeping his overwhelming dread at bay.

“Ani, look at me.” He didn’t dare. “Babies come early all the time. A mother dying during delivery is practically unheard of in developed systems. I know you believe your nightmares are all-knowing, but I think you’re forgetting how good I am at proving people wrong.” Anakin could see her smiling to herself out of the corner of his eye. “Anakin, listen to me,” Padmé seemed as if she was going to continue, but a hollow beep cried for attention somewhere on her person. Rummaging a bit, she pulled out a small holopad.

“Padmé what are yo-”

“Padmé,” started a familiar and seemingly on edge voice.

“Bail, good to hear from you.”  _ What in the hells was she thinking? Surely she knew how high risk their escape was, how a single comm could plant a target squarely on their ship.  _ Padmé, well aware of the tension in his shoulders, reassured him, “This is a channel very few know about, Anakin. I would trust Bail with my life,” she nodded back to him.

“Knight Skywalker. I cannot tell you how relieved I am to see you alive. I’ve just returned from the Senate and the outlook of the Order’s survival is grim. My condolences.” Bail Organa was ever the diplomat. Anakin knew Padmé worked closely with him, but besides a few occasions they had never done much more than exchange pleasantries. Anakin was never one to trust politicians, let alone those from such influential worlds.

“Thank you, Senator, but I’m afraid we have even more pressing matters.”

Anakin looked over, and saw the Senator’s holo showed he was likely on a ship, and the man had clearly had a trying day as well. His clothes were simple and pristine, but his face was worn and a hand rested at his temple as if fighting back an ache. “That’s precisely why I called you. Well, Senator Amidala of course, but nonetheless this involves you just as much.” Organa looked off past his holopad and sighed.

“What is it Bail?” Padmé’s voice called gently to her friend.

“The Republic has been reorganized into the new Galactic Empire, with Chancellor Palpatine declaring himself Emperor. He said the Jedi formed a coup to betray the Republic and seize power for themselves.”

“That’s ridiculous!” Anakin saw Padmé’s mouth slightly agape and her face contorted in abhor as she spoke. “No one would ever think the Jedi would try to take over. It’s against all of their principals.”

Organa continued in a tired and paced voice, “I’m afraid no one cares for the truth any longer, and those who do are too afraid to speak out against our new Emperor.”  _ At least this guy knows to call a spade, a spade _ , Anakin thought. “On an optimistic note, I was able to intercept two Jedi before returning to the Senate. Both Master Yoda and Master Kenobi are aboard my ship as we speak. I suggest we all rendezvous at a secure location to discuss further.” Anakin was of course relieved to hear his master was alive and well, but having to explain himself to both him and Grandmaster Yoda was something he wasn’t sure he could do. What would they do if they learned he not only betrayed the Jedi code through Padmé, but was complicit in the Sith’s rise to power? Anakin harbored so many secrets that would never see the light of day.

“We are currently a few standard hours into hyperspace, headed towards the Outer Rim.” Padmé closed her eyes tightly, fighting off another contraction, and Anakin couldn’t do more than place a comforting hand on her knee.

“Padmé is in labor and she needs to get to a medical facility as soon as possible. I don’t want to further deviate from our course and cost us precious time.”

“Of course,” Bail looked a little awkward, then seemed to forget it quickly. “We are headed towards the Polis Massa asteroid field. There is a base Alderaan sponsors for scientific research and I assure you the medical team there could handle Padmé with skill and discretion.”

“I know of it,” Anakin turned to Padmé to consult her, “It’s not far off our route at all. It actually might be quicker.”

“Well then send us the coordinates and we’ll meet you there as soon as we can,” Padmé yawned in spite of her efforts to sound authoritative and alert.

“Until then,” and then the pair were alone again. Well, almost alone.

“Hey Artoo,” Anakin twisted to look at the droid silently minding in the back of the cockpit. “Reroute for the incoming coordinates and keep her on autopilot for a bit.” Then, he turned to his wife staring off into hyperspace beside him. She looked so beautiful, changed out of her nightgown and now in a simple travel suit, the blue lights of space reflecting off her eyes making them glitter like moons. “You need to try and get some sleep. There’s a bed in the back I can set you up on.”

“I want to stay up here with you, besides, I don’t think I’d be able to sleep well anyways.”

“Padmé, it’s only gonna get harder for you to be comfortable, you might as well get some rest while you can,” he offered as Padmé ran her hands through her unruly hair.

“Don’t you think I know that!” She stood up and threw her arms behind her, daring Anakin to try to boss her again. Padmé stood there, huffing angrily until she drew her hands up to cup her face as tears raced down her cheeks. “I-I’m sorry.” Anakin pulled her against his chest and quietly shushed her sobs away. “Today’s been so much,  _ so much,  _ and I just want my back to stop aching so, and I swear if the baby doesn’t stop moving so much I’m gonna...gods! I don’t know what I’m gonna do!”

Once her ramblings had quieted, Anakin just stood there, holding his wife. Comforting Padmé forced him to steady himself, if solely to keep her upright. It centered him. Calmed him. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Then, as gently as he could, he scooped an already half-asleep Padmé into his arms and carried her to the small cargo hold that passed for a bedroom. There was nothing more than a cot and some empty shelves, but it would do for now. Anakin gently folded his angel between the threadbare sheets, whispering soft nothings of reassurance.

“I’m sorry I yelled,” her eyes fluttered as she spoke. “I’ll be a much more well-rounded person once I’m through with all of these mood swings.”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything.” Anakin placed a hand at the peak of her stomach, and Padmé’s rested atop his. He felt their child stir, and concentrated on sending soothing energy through the force in an attempt to calm him or her, and either by skill or by chance, they seemed receptive. With the kicking subdued, Padmé’s eyelids were already heavy with dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to get the first chapter out here. I’m not tryna be an author or anything, just wrote this for my own enjoyment and thought I might as well share it. Should be finished by the end of summer, expect a lot of long chapters. Ik some things will be inaccurate but idgaf. Comment if you have any thoughts, catch any typos, or just want to tell me what ur eating rn...idc I just want to read something.


	2. Birth

Anakin was trying meditating in the cockpit. Or at least attempting to. He had never been much good at patience, but it seemed exactly what he needed to sort through his thoughts. Obi-Wan and Yoda are alive. They don’t need to know the extent of today’s events. Was it still today? Or had the hours ticked into the next? Focus. Concentrate. They will be upset, but the Jedi are in no state to turn away an ally. Padmé and I will go into hiding-that is if she survives the new day. No! Stop. Focus. Breathe.

[We’re approaching our destination] Artoo beeped from beside him. Anakin opened his eyes, thankful for the interruption. As they left hyperspace, an asteroid field came into view that seemed to pulse around them. The nearest and largest asteroid was unassuming at a distance, but he could make out the top of a facility that seemed to expand below the surface of the rock.

“Go ahead and land it buddy, I’ve got to grab Padmé” Anakin ducked out of the cockpit and headed towards the end of the ship. Scooping her up in his arms, like he had the day they were married, Padmé barely stirred, clearly in need of more rest. The ship jolted and Anakin breathed a sigh of relief. We made it in time. 

Dismounting the ship, his wife still unconscious in his arms, Anakin examined the modest hangar around them, clearly not a focal part of the facilities. Droids moved from here to there, as well as a species he was unfamiliar with. Amidst the motion, Bail Organa emerged and gave a warm nod to Anakin.

“Welcome. If you’ll follow me, there’s already a room prepared for her.” He nodded in response, but the men walked quietly through the sterile and cold looking halls. They were so well lit Anakin had to squint after so many hours in the black of space. “Is she…” Bail trailed off, gesturing to Padmé.

“Sleeping.”

“Current circumstances apart, I’d say congratulations are in order.”

Anakin stopped cold in his tracks.

“I’m sorry if I assumed. I just..well-”

“It’s alright,” Anakin interrupted, letting the corners of his mouth turn up just slightly. There was a confusing bittersweet tinge to someone speaking of his relationship. As if he could finally exhale. Gripping Padmé a bit tighter, they continued wordlessly until reaching a room, every surface and instrument the same blinding white. There were glass observation walls set around the room, and at its center, a bed where he laid Padmé down. “Padmé,” he stroked her cheek, still wary of Bail's gaze behind him. “We’ve arrived, and they’re gonna have you checked out and hopefully get you some medicine, okay?”

Her lips started moving before her eyes as she slowly accustomed herself with being awake. “Okay,” she yawned, then squinted at the bright walls surrounding them.

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” Bail’s voice called from behind, then the slow patter of his boots faded as the door shut behind him. The medical droid, a maternity droid Anakin suspected, approached Padmé at her feet. It worked quickly to remove her simple shirt and pants, in favor of a medical gown that made Padmé fit in with all the white fixtures around them. It poked and prodded her, occasionally asking questions like: ‘How long have you been having contractions?’ and ‘What medications had she taken in the past day?’ All of them prompted an unsure response from Padmé, but the droid finally seemed to be satisfied.

“You are about 75% dilated, but not optimal for traditional birth yet. It is too late to administer anesthetics, but we can start an IV of supplements to keep you strong while you wait to deliver. Do you have any questions?” The droid was of an odd make, but seemed to have a calm and humanoid tone programmed into it.

“The baby is early, is there any risk to either mother or child?” Anakin couldn’t restrain the question that had been haunting his thoughts since Padmé first made contact.

“Preterm birth can be expected with twins, especially with a mother of petite stature. They may need incubation after birth, but they are only slightly premature and will possibly fare well. There is no significant increase of risk towards the mother.”

“Twins?” Padmé looked as stricken as Anakin felt.

“Yes,” the droid was not amused, and retreated to the back corner of the room where he began to work on something Anakin couldn’t bring himself to care about.

“This-this is amazing Padmé,” and the first true smile in weeks spread across Anakin’s face. “How did you not know, how didn’t I sense it?”

Padmé shook her head in wonder and her eyes appeared so bright with joy. “I only sought the most basic care on Coruscant, to keep a low profile, I guess it just slipped through the cracks.” She laughed to herself, then turned to her husband with wide eyes. “We only have one girl and one boy name, what if they’re the same sex?”

“I think that’s the best problem we could have right now.” Anakin’s mind was a blur, of course this was a blessing. Padmé was about to give him not one, but two beautiful children. It would be more work to hide, let alone raise them, but he knew Padmé would be an amazing mother. Himself, he had his doubts about.

He suddenly felt two familiar presences behind him, and reluctant to turn around, he pressed a kiss to Padmé’s cheek and whispered a quick, “I’ll be back in a moment.”

Behind him, separated by the glass wall, stood Master Yoda, his face a blank calm, and Obi-Wan, worn and tired, but still having the strength to cross his arms and raise a criticizing eyebrow. Anakin crossed his own arms as he slid into the antechamber, settling himself across from the Jedi.

There was a heavy silence as he stood with possibly the only others left in the galaxy that could feel the Force bleed as he did. “Good to see you, it is, young Skywalker. A surprise, the senator is, no doubt, but in a place to refuse one of our own, the Jedi are not.” Anakin finally had the courage to lock eyes with his old master. He, unlike Yoda, was not surprised, but was wary nonetheless. There had been something unspoken between them, in the few times Anakin had been reckless with his secret. He knew Obi-Wan would never report him to the council, but unspoken it remained.

“Yes, I quite agree.” Obi-Wan looked past Anakin, into the medical room where Padmé lay.

“How did you survive?”

“We should be asking you that,” Obi-Wan countered, “being at the heart of the attack and all.”

“I was away from the Temple when it was attacked. I knew there was no possible defense, so I escaped with Padmé.” He felt the looks of disapproval begin to form. “If there was any chance I could have rescued them, I would’ve tried,” he lied. “It was a suicide mission.”

Obi-Wan’s gaze softened, “We were both in battle when our clones turned against us. Bail intercepted us after our individual escapes. We’ve mostly been traveling with his ship, but briefly departed on Coruscant to visit the Temple.”

“And?” He wasn’t sure if he even wanted the answer.

“Great destruction we found.” The Force was raw with grief around them. “Dismantled an encrypted message intended to lure any remaining Jedi, we did. Gone, are any remains of the Jedi ways. Won, the Sith have.”

“We can’t just give up hope,” Obi-Wan said through the hand placed over his beard.

“Well what is there to do now? We can’t exactly take on the entire Republic Army,” Anakin spat.

“We’re in this fight for the long run now.” Obi-Wan resumed his signature cross-armed stance. “Going after Sidious now would do nothing but alert him to our survival. We must rest, train, and regroup with an organized rebellion once the time is right.”

“Face him, I must.” Yoda closed his eyes, “Wills me to, the Force does.”

“Master, I must disagree. He has amassed more power than we can possibly imagine. As far as we know, we are all that’s left of the Jedi”

Anakin took a much more brash tone than his old Master, “I agree, going after the Emperor would not only be idiotic, but selfish towards the future of the Jedi order.”

“Much have you, to say, hmm?” Yoda looked up towards Anakin, but he somehow felt he was the one being looked down upon. Yoda never continued to let on what Anakin suspected, or Anakin simply didn’t give him the chance, turning away from the Jedi and back into the too-white room.

-o0oOo0o-

Time passed slowly, Anakin learned, when all there is to do is worry. Sure, he sat beside Padmé, let her squeeze his hands and wiped the sweat from her brow, but all he could think about was how much her hospital gown resembled the one from his dreams. It had been hours, but how many, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that Padmé had been in labor for far longer than a standard day, and the twins weren’t making things easy.

Twins. The word still had a foreign taste to it, but it was too sweet a word to pass up. Obi-Wan and Bail had both kept their distance, but occasionally stopped by the onlooking window to check on the pair. He couldn’t tell though if Yoda was minding his own, or had foolishly departed for Coruscant.

“She is ready to deliver,” came the automated voice of the maternity droid. Two others hovered idle beside it, ready to act if need be.

“I’m ready,” Padmé tilted her head towards Anakin, who responded with a kiss that inspired time to stop, blur, to dare to break the two apart. This was either going to be the best or worst day of his life.

Padmé stifled her cries, pressed her brows together, and held Anakin’s hand (robotic, thank the Force) for dear life. In an instant, the entire air around them shifted, and he felt his child through the force before the tiny bundle began to whale, the droid handed him a boy, much too small, and bright red all over, wrapped in nothing more than a small towel. His eyes were slits, but his mouth agape, making his discomfort known. “It’s a boy,” Anakin bent down to hold the infant beside Padmé, and she smiled so widely pressing barely a finger against his cheek.

“Hi, Luke.” The name was Padmé’s choice, something simple and sweet of Nabuian origin. She had said she had always imagined having a little boy named Luke, and Anakin had taken a liking to the name as well. It felt good to choose a name just because they liked the sound of it on each other’s tongues.

Padmé turned her eyes back up to the ceiling, her breathing heavy as she focused yet again on the signals her body was sending her. In a blink, a new bundle was produced beside him, and Anakin had to readjust to fit them both in his arms. His second child, a girl, was much more quiet than her brother. She fussed and squirmed, but kept her large eyes, a deep brown like Padmé’s, trained on him. He could feel her recognition. She knew exactly where she was.

“Leia,” Padmé sighed as she was finally allowed to rest. She had suggested they name their child after his mother if it was a girl, and while Anakin appreciated the sentiment, all he could think of was how his mother had hated her name. She used to make sure he knew she had given him a strong name, in spite of ‘her lousy name luck’. She had, however, also told him that she loved the name Leia, and intended to name him Leia before she knew he was a boy. Padmé had simply smiled and nodded at the time, but now it seemed perfect alongside her brother, Luke.

“See, Ani?” Padmé began to drift off into a sleep. He looked quizzically at her, and with her eyes closed and voice a hush, said, “some bad dreams are just that: dreams.”

Anakin sat beside his wife as she slept, the droids worked around the new family, checking the twins and treating Padmé’s injuries. They assured him the twins were small, but developed enough to not need machine regulation. No matter how much they protested, Anakin insisted on holding the two of them through all the health checks, not wanting to lose the feeling of their heartbeats near his.

Only a few hours into life and he could already see little specks of personality. Luke, on one hand, was by far the loudest. He had yet to open his tiny eyes, but his mouth was always wide and demanding. He also clung to Anakin the most, taking hold of whatever fabric from his father’s robe he could reach. Leia, on the other hand, did nothing but watch him. She had such large irises that took up the entirety of her eyes, leaving no space for any white sclera. She glanced between the both of his eyes, never quite satisfied with one. It was nothing less than enchanting. Every time Leia squirmed, or Luke kicked his foot, Anakin was filled with the most absurd, unconditional pride.

He felt Obi-Wan enter the room, but Anakin couldn’t look away from the tiny spit bubbles Leia was blowing.

“They’re beautiful, Anakin,” came a familiar Coruscanti accent.

Anakin kept quiet for a moment to continue toying with Luke, who was blindly reaching for the finger his father waved just outside his grasp. “Would you like to hold one?” Anakin looked up for the first time. So much had happened between him and the Jedi, but he saw in his master’s eyes that Obi-Wan only looked upon the twins with love.

“I’m not so confident in my abilities…” Obi-Wan trailed off but kept his eyes warmly fixed on the little bundles.

“Don’t be shy. They don’t bite...much.” He gestured for his friend to take one of the twins, which he did, although rather hesitantly. “Just lay her across your arm and make sure to support her head,” Anakin repeated the same lecture he had received from the med droid. Obi-Wan cradled Leia with a protective stance, hunched over her tiny body.

“And might I ask who this is?”

“That’s Leia. She’s about two minutes younger than Luke here,” Anakin gestured to his son with his newly free arm.

“Have they been tested for midichlorians?” Obi-Wan still kept his gaze trained on the quiet girl.

“About 17,000, if I can recall correctly,” Anakin would be proud of his children no matter what, but the fact that he can pass down his connection to the force, teach them to feel it flow around them, it made him glow with satisfaction.

“Oh, my,” Obi-Wan softly exclaimed. Leia had reached up with her tiny arms and grabbed at the beard hanging off Obi-Wan’s chin. “Well aren’t you two going to be a handful.” He looked to Anakin, smirking, “They sure take after their father in that respect.”

Anakin couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed, not now, not as he watched his children with Padmé safe beside him. They sat in silence for quite a while, basking in the aroma of fresh life, the quiet thrill in the force was a welcome change from the previous day. “Are you disappointed in me?”

“I don’t think I could ever truly be disappointed in you,” Obi-Wan remarked. If only he knew. More calm filled the air as he mulled over his next words. “I’m actually quite glad. Having an affair with a Senator was a horrid violation of the code, and having children was just reckless. However,” he paused, turning back to Leia, “in a way, they are a new hope for the galaxy. A reminder that when the Jedi fall, new ones will rise to take their place and restore peace.”

Anakin didn’t enjoy the sentiment of his barely six-hour-old children being sent into battle, but decided to take the comment as a compliment to his little family. “Marriage,” he corrected.

“What?” Obi-Wan seems genuinely confused. 

“Padmé’s my wife. For three years, in fact.” He couldn't keep the smug smile off his face.

“When?”

“Shortly after Geonosis, on Naboo.” What he would give to return to the glistening lakes with her, this time their children in tow.

“How?”

“You know you’re starting to sound like a broken transmitter,” Anakin scoffed, and they shared their first laugh since likely before they returned from the Outer Rim.

“Well I apologize if some of us can’t catch up with every plot twist. Your life is starting to sound like a poorly written holodrama.” It felt wrong, to be laughing, to be happy, when so much had gone wrong. Anakin knew he didn’t deserve such a reprieve, didn’t deserve Padmé’s heart, and his children’s goodness. He had knelt before a tyrant, sworn his allegiance to evil. He had stood idle and accepting as the Jedi burned.

Suddenly his breath grew rapid, the room seemed to spin and he feared his arms would give way beneath his son. Obi-Wan took notice, but only watched as Anakin rose and rushed to exit, placing Luke in the nearby bassinet. “Anakin!” Obi-Wan called after him but all he could hear was the dancing of lightning and a lofty old cackle.

“Watch them,” was all Anakin could muster in response. His mind was elsewhere, at the head of Grievous's command ship, at the opera beside Palpatine, then his office where a harsh wind whirred through the remains of the window. He trusted his feet to carry him somewhere, anywhere that wasn’t so kriffing bright and bustling with machines. The hall lights flickered as he stewed in his self hatred. You are weak. You are gullible, you stand upon whatever moral ground benefits you and you cast your loyalties aside like vermin. How could you expect to keep Padmé safe, to raise Luke and Leia, when everything you touch turns to rot?

Anakin stopped to turn into what appeared to be a fresher, and flicked his fingers to lock the door with the force. As his eyes began to sting with tears he pressed his back to the cool tiled walls and sunk to the floor. All he wanted was to disappear. It would be the greatest gift he could offer the galaxy. Fleeing from existence. It sounded so sweet compared to the pounding in his head, so merciful. At a moment’s notice he grew restless of his stature and stood upright, swatting at the sink’s controls to get some sort of kriffing water. Anakin lifted the cool drink to his face, but when he looked up, a pair of red-tinged yellow irises stared back at him through the mirror. “No!” Anakin yelled, sending the glass flying as shards around him. He hit the back wall once more, not strong enough to keep the sobs down anymore.

“Anakin? Anakin!” Obi-Wan’s voice rang through the locked door. “What has gotten into you?” The door shook with effort.

“I’m okay, Obi-Wan.” He was not.

“What is this all about? You were fine one moment then ran off the next,” Obi-Wan spoke loudly with concern.

“Stress,” gave a weak voice. “It’s just the stress of the past few days.”

“Would you please just open the door, Anakin?”

He obliged, dusting fragments of glass off of his robes, rising to place his prosthetic hand on the door handle, only to pause. Should I trust Obi-Wan? Anakin shook his head as if he could knock the thought loose from his brain. He pulled the door open just enough to slide through, careful to conceal the wrecked remains of the fresher.

“Force, Anakin your eyes,” Obi-Wan gasped.

Anakin’s heart raced, was the reflection more than a figment of panic? He clenched his hands, waiting for Obi-Wan to berate him, to accuse him of being a Sith, but instead his friend’s eyes turned soft and concerned.

“You’ve got dark circles bigger than a gundark, and you look as if you haven’t hadn’t eaten in days.” It was true, his nightmares kept him constantly on edge and dreading sleep since he had returned to Coruscant. The past few days had kept him awake entirely, and he couldn't remember the last time he ate.

“It’s been...a while,” Anakin conceded.

“After all these years you should know you only do yourself a disservice by ignoring the essentials,” and they were simply back to their old ways of lectures and shaking heads. “I’ll take you to the dining hall, it isn’t much, but it's food.”

-o0oOo0o-

“You weren’t kidding when you said the food wasn’t much,” Anakin spoke as he prodded at an ambiguous lavender glob of...something. He had never been one to complain much about food, especially given where he came from, but Obi-Wan seemed even more reluctant as he scooped the food into this mouth.

“There isn’t exactly a wide selection of agriculture and livestock in an asteroid field,” Obi-Wan said between bites.

Kriffing hell. “Who has Luke and Leia?” Anakin stood up immediately, cursing himself for not thinking of his children sooner.

“Relax, Anakin,” Obi-Wan put a hand up to stop him, “Padmé woke right after you left. She seemed perfectly fine to manage her own children.” Anakin sighed and ran a hand through his hair, once again taking a seat. They sat in silence for a moment, letting Anakin enjoy the sensation of food at his lips, however disgusting. “Actually,” Obi-Wan broke the silence, “speaking of the children, Master Yoda and I have been discussing how best to safeguard them until the time is right.”

Anakin gave him a harsh glare, daring him to continue. “The two of you have no right to discuss the future of my children without me or Padmé. You talk of them as if they are assets, not babies, stowing them away until they are of use to you.”

Obi-Wan looked shocked. “Anakin, the wellbeing of the children are of the utmost importance to me.” He said it as if he was scolding his padawan. “But we must not forget the duty to the galaxy. I still believe you will bring balance to the force, with the Sith in control we need you more than ever. And with Luke and Leia’s strong connection to the force, I can’t help but think that they are an extension of that prophecy as well. Yoda believes them to be the next generation of Jedi.”

“I don’t want them anywhere near this fight,” Anakin spat. “I want them to have a normal childhood, not one that consists of being trained as soldiers.” He slams his fist into the table, the few other beings in the room now turning to stare.

“Control yourself,” Obi-Wan whispered as they began to avert their gazes. “We will have this discussion as a group, once Yoda and Bail return from Coruscant.” So he did try to defeat Sidious.

“Let’s hope he returns at all.”

The two men finish their meals, then exchange simple conversation about Utapau and the newest reports from Coruscant. Approaching the medical wing, Anakin finally began to recognize a few of the halls they passed through. They approached the antechamber that looked into the room where Padmé lay feeding the twins. “I’d better go try to make contact with Bail, they are due to be back in a day or two, then we’ll all talk.”

Anakin looked to his old master beside him, and gave him a kind nod before moving to open the door. Padmé turned to the noise of the door opening, looking up from the twins nestled in her lap. She smiled, if a bit hesitant.

“I was worried, Obi-Wan said you were fine and then just ran off.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, crossing the room to sit beside her. “I had barely eaten or slept in days, after all that’s happened I think I just reached a breaking point.” He looked down at the twins, both quietly enjoying mother’s milk, while Padmé held them in place with both her arms. “How are you feeling?” He asked, placing a hand on her lower back.

“Like I’ve been hit by a speeder,” she joked. “Everything is still sore, and no one tells you how painful breastfeeding is.” The new mother smiled down at her suckling children despite her remarks. “But they make it all worth it.”

“Thank you,” Anakin said, lifting his head to face his wife. She was still wearing the white medical gown, but had tied her hair back into a low bun. Padmé was tired, no doubt, but she glowed as bright as any sun, and as soft as any moon.

“For what?” She asked innocently.

“For giving me such perfect children, for being so incredibly kind and strong,” she blushed, “and, for loving me even when I’m not the man you deserve.” Anakin had strayed so far in the past weeks, and he shivered at the thought of what would’ve become of him if Padmé hadn’t pulled him from his hatred. He knew what he was tasked to do, and he knew he would have done it. No one can know.

“What are you talking about?” Padmé looked saddened and concerned. She was no stranger to his destructive tendencies, but they spent none of their precious time together wanting to concern themselves with his mistakes. She had stood beside him after he slaughtered a village of Tusken Raiders and beaten the Force out of Rush Clovis. He wondered if Padmé wrote them off as grief and stress or simply chose to ignore the patterns she was too smart not to see, but most desperately he wondered if they still haunted the back of her mind like they did in his.

“Nothing to be worried about, my love. I just want to be better for you,” he took her face in his hands, “for the babies.” I will start a new life, he vowed. Letting Padmé and Obi-Wan know of my failures will ensure that I won’t move on. He shivered, thinking of what they would do if they learned that it was him who sealed the fate of the galaxy. They had excused so much of his blind anger and hatred, but that certain revelation would undo any tentative trust he still had between the two of them. They would leave me. They would take Luke and Leia. “Honestly,” he lied, “I promise,” he didn’t. Then he pulled her lips towards his own. Their kiss was like honey, soft and slow and sweet. They were so reluctant to part, as if they sugary liquid had sealed their lips together.

“Mhh, Ani?” Padmé said between gasps for air. He could only respond with a guttural sigh. “I’d love to,” she leaned back, so that there was barely an inch between their mouths, “but I’m afraid I’ve got one-too-many people sucking on me right now.”

Anakin pretended not to be disappointed, he would never not be hungry for her. “If you insist,” he said in a mock-teasing.

“You better watch yourself. We can’t be doing any...physical activities for quite a few weeks while I heal.”

Well this, admittedly, was when Anakin’s understanding of human biology failed him. He internally laughed off his ignorance and flashed Padmé a crooked smile. “You wish you could keep your hands off of me.”

“Oh you’re so full of it,” Padmé rolled her eyes.

“Full of irresistible charm, maybe.”

The pair lost their bearings in laughter, and a hand slipping from Leia’s back to playfully shove Anakin, proved to be a fatal mistake. She detached from her meal, squealing in frustration like Anakin had never seen before, and Luke chorused in without a second to spare. Thus began the longest night of Padmé and Anakin’s life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s Luke and Leia I guess? I’m really awkward about birth/babies so I tried my best. Also, shout out to all the people who caught the little clone wars snippet. What states are you guys from? (or country if you live outside the US)
> 
> also yes I know Luke and Leia were too premature to be perfectly fine but quite honestly I didn’t have the energy to write that much angst so we’ll just pretend


End file.
